thisgirlsays22

“And there!” Fuzang says as the pterodactyl fairies place the final machine component on the blueprint’s outline. “I can write so many papers on this!” It is, for the moment, an inert item – not to mention, more a vaguely shaped set of pieces than an assembled machine – but this does not reduce your joy one bit: you dug it all up!

Pearry the X-ray machine bleeps happily, satiated by the glorious dirt left behind by the Dirt Empire. Now that its mission is complete, it’s certainly earned the time to rest and recharge.

“What do you think this thing is for?” one of you asks Fuzang as he starts to assemble the components, flicking over hinges and pulling around wires and screwing pieces together.

“Well, I think we can safely discard ‘ritual purposes,’ given how intricate yet non-decorative it is,” he explains. Then, as he is turning two pieces over, examining where they should join, he pauses. “Interesting. From the look of their materials, I suspect these components are for two machines, and not only one like we’ve theorized. Fascinating!”

You all take a well-deserved rest while Fuzang splits the components into two sets and attempts to build two machines… but all in vain, as no combination seems to work.

You hear Pearry still rolling about – busy enjoying its role as Heir of Dirt, you suppose – and beyond that, the shouts of your separated companions (and whirring of their X-ray machines) at their respective cafes. You're pretty sure that you've dug up all the relics and components present here at the Pear Wiggler, but maybe your friends have also found something? You do have a tendency to end up doing the exact same things, no matter how far you start from each other.

When you bring this up to Fuzang, he perks up. “I did hear some of my colleagues from other universities are also trying to get dig permits in this region. Hmm, the Congress on Early Ancient Civilizations is coming up in a month or so. I'll ask at the end of my plenary talk!” He wiggles with excitement, pear hat wobbling in counterpoint. “Oh, thank you, this is going to let us understand the material conditions of the Dirt Empire so much better! This is amazing! It's the best day of my life!”

The café has closed, the Manager has gone home and won't disturb you, and the octopus is nowhere to be seen. Given past experience, your friends should come through soon enough – at least, much faster than Fuzang's scientific conference – so you won't be here that long. As you wait, some of you help a very excited Fuzang document the day’s excavation process, while others sit down and tell stories (the taco plant features prominently).

From what you can tell, Fuzang split the pile of component parts in half. Perhaps some of your companions will find the other half of both structures…

TEAM PEAR WINS FIRST PLACE!

But the game isn’t over yet! One more team needs to dig up all their machine components to finish rebuilding the machines buried beneath the café gardens.

All work caps are lifted! Once a second team digs up all their machine components, the game will end, and then there will be a 48-hour editing period before works are revealed. Please remove placeholders and otherwise make sure your works are ready to go live!

Teams in joint third place will be able to continue playing, even after the collections reveal – stay tuned for further details.

You’re about to go and find the woman and ask about pay (you did overhear the cooks talking about being paid in grapes and you hope that’s just their slang), but when you step outside the mist is even thicker than before. Also this doesn’t smell as good.

“Don’t you know anything!” The woman again. It’s like she’s everywhere all at once. “How could you think it’s a good idea to give all that to an octopus? Don’t you know they can’t help themselves from building! Now it’s got a whole fog machine going!”

You wander your way through the thick mist, stumbling over something you are certain is one of those teapots you uncovered, until another voice heralds from the mist.

“You need to keep digging!” The voice of the professor. “There are so many more things to find, but you’re close, I can feel it. And have you tasted this donut flavored tea? Absolutely dee-licious if I do say so myself.”

Well, it’s not like you can do much else with all the fog. After some more wandering, you almost literally stumble across your shovels, and take them in hand.

“Oh, and one more thing!” The Professor calls. “I heard you were looking to go home? I have it on good authority you can, well, you can make your own contraption to get all the way back to the real world. It’s just a matter of finding all the bits and bobs. I’m sure I saw a diagram or the like in one of the octopus’s books.”

Grape Board 3 Grid and List of Goals

Grape Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

The first team to uncover every machine component will win the 2025 round of Battleship Exchange! The remaining teams will continue competing until one claims second place.

“Oh great. The octopus built a fog machine,” the Manager says.

Perhaps teaching it how to tinker with machinery wasn’t the best idea. You stay incredibly quiet.

“I guess it’ll have to be part of the ambience,” the Manager sighs and walks off.

You take this opportunity to sneak out back to the grounds. The fog is incredibly thick here as well, and you can barely even see where the plot is, let alone what’s in it, but all those bones and machinery pieces have you invested. There’s something in the ground here, and you have a burning urge to discover what it is.

“Ooh,” Professor Fuzang says over your previously excavated pile of bones and machinery. When you walk closer, you can see that he, too, now has a wiggling pear mashed onto his head. He somehow makes it look dignified. “You know, I think I recognize this culture. The Dirt Empire reigned here long ago, and left behind several kinds of artifact, usually attested only as fragments. I believe that these objects usually accompany a much larger object, in roughly this shape.” He sketches a shape on the ground with a talon. “We haven’t ever found the full object, and extant samples are so weathered it’s hard to do more than speculate on the function, but all the other objects you’ve excavated are incredibly well-preserved, so we might be able to discover something new! My colleagues have speculated it is an object for ‘ritual purposes,’ so I would be thrilled to be able to discover the actual function.”

You look at the sketch. Of course, there’s no telling how many pieces it will be in, nor the size, but you’re in too deep now. You must discover what this relic of the Dirt Empire is, and what it is for; and for that, you shall dig down. Long live dirt! Long live the Dirt Empire!

Pear Board 3 Grid and List of Goals

Pear Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

The first team to uncover every machine component will win the 2025 round of Battleship Exchange! The remaining teams will continue competing until one claims second place.

You walk back into The Enchanted Grape, only to step and slip on some…mud. Well, there is plenty of dirt around, so this shouldn’t be surprising. Taking a closer look you see they look like huge footsteps and, following them, that they’re dropping from the golems, who seem a bit damp and lethargic from all the shoulder dragon steam.

“Here,” the manager says, handing you and your teammates a broom. “Help clean this up, and then –”

She’s cut off by the kitchen door swinging open, and you catch a glimpse of what’s going on inside. A tentacle. Visions of the octopus who picked you up and threw you at the cafe fly through your mind and you brace yourself against the wall, sure you’re about to go up in the air again, but instead the cooks come running back out.

“Okay, forget the brooms,” the manager says, taking yours back into her own hands. “How about you distract this new hire?”

New… hire…?

Grape Boss 2 progress tracker

Grape Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

( Boss 2 Rules )

It also looks like a fog bank has rolled in. A strangely delicious-smelling fog bank, to be fair. You ask your manager if there’s anything to be concerned about, but he just looks up from stacking gold coins to point out front. The golems are all standing at a respectful distance around the dragon, occasionally carrying a vegetable forward to drop into the hotpot boiling on the magic flame the lemon-yellow dragon is breathing out. “Hotpot for dinner rush,” he says by way of explanation. “We’ll need more ingredients, actually, think you could help with that? But wait,” he says, stopping himself. “Professor wanted to meet you.”

“You rang?” a voice says in delight, and you look up as a dramatic figure emerges from one of the private reading nooks. The tall woman is wearing a black shirt and pants ornamented with yellow shibari rope knotted into an intricate harness. “Ah yes,” she says, smiling at you and then pulling a notebook from where it had been tucked into the rope. “The cafe helpers. I had some questions. You don’t mind helping me out a bit, do you?”

Your manager has gone back to counting, and you do admittedly want to know what this woman has in mind. Absolutely you’ll help. The professor flashes you a brilliant smile and leads you through the fog back to the garden. “So, the dirt.” She prods the garden plot with the toe of a pointed yellow shoe. “It’s not everything that comes to life when a dragon gets involved, and the golems are still hanging around even ages later. Do you mind digging up this ground a little bit more? If even the dirt here has special properties, I’m so interested to know what else we can find!”

The knots on the harness she’s wearing seem to have no clear beginning or end, and when you glimpse the notes she’s taking in her notebook, it’s in no language you recognize. If she thinks this is mysterious and interesting, she probably knows what she’s talking about. And at least it isn’t singing; you think your voice still hasn’t recovered. You pick up the shovel, squinting at the ground through the fog. Let’s see what’s in here.

Lemon Board 2 Grid and List of Goals

Lemon Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)